twenty fifteen. factors: 1, 5, 13, 31, 65, 155, 403, 2015.
i have been lucid dreaming. i used to think that dreams were visits to other worlds but now i’m not so sure. I think actually it may be the time when the brain is running a defrag operation, and also compressing the contents of short term memory into long term. It is not necessary to be conscious of the process but sometimes consciousness happens by accident.
a swelling sensation of futility, the wastage of verbiage on empty objects. it is the conceit of youth to feel important for a while. all that is going away now, now i enjoy the stripping away to bone, the loss of fantastical baggages in future airports, the wringing out by the changing world, less and less it is my own nectar that feeds me, the drying juices of creativity which used to flow are replaced with borrowings from more verdant strangers. i read gore vidal’s photo biography.
I have designed an eight bit calculator on excel using simulated logic circuits. I wonder what logic really is, when it is broken down like that, why it has any reality to anything when it seems so arbitrary. more and more it seems that the garden gnomes have taken over the building and all sensations of depth and resonance in life have become lost.
i discover that i like crystals. i have topaz here. seems to resonate with aquarius but then i read that it is not an aquarius birthstone. so what’s all that about. oh i remember, someone just made all that up. there is no real test for birthstone applicability, it’s not like specific gravity. but i do really want to live in a fantasy world so i go on holding them in my hand.
thus is some of the twisted leavings from the idle wood turners shop of my mind.. i apologise if you have come here by accident with some expectation of a lucid conversation.
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